If your favorite pastime is being offended, or your favorite means of spreading holiday cheer is offending others, get ready for hours of fun with Offensive Crayons. Our favorite color choices: “Baby Shit Green”, “Communist Gulag Red”, and “Your Parents’ Divorce Was Your Fault, Peach”.
1. Have a crush on a guy but he has a girlfriend? Take a stick of lipstick and write LIAR on his windshield. He may become single soon.
2. Spill drink in the seat in front of you at the movies to avoid people blocking your view.
3. Hotel room doesn’t have a fridge to keep beer, etc. cold? Call the front desk and tell them you need one “to keep your insulin refrigerated”.
4. Buy a “baby on board” sign regardless of your parenthood status, if you happen to be in a nasty crash paramedics and firemen will save you first.
5. Visiting someone in the hospital? Stage a photo or two in their hospital bed for the perfect future sick/injured/don’t wanna excuse.
6. if you’re stuck on an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see “call failed” instead of “call ended”.
7. If the person sitting in front of you on a flight reclines their seat all the way back and leaves you with no room, turn on the air con above you to full blast and point it at the top of their head.
8. If a relative keeps asking you about having kids, lie that the wife is pregnant. A few months later, tell them there was a miscarriage so they’ll feel uncomfortable bringing up the subject again.
9. Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write “sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.
10. Steal a traffic cone and carry it around in your trunk in case you need to save a really prime parking spot.
Before you set out on a mission to browse the attic for the same Halloween decoration props you reuse every year, let us tell you something. The world has changed. Things got a whole lot more scary since COVID-19 showed up. And from what we have seen happening so far, the jack-o’-lantern ain’t gonna do much in the spooky department. Below, we compiled some of the most relevant, painfully funny, and plain damn spooky Halloween decoration ideas from creative people nailing the haunted night.
Russia is a strange place. Their playgrounds are pure nightmare fuel, food decorations are bizarre, and Russian schools have horrifying toilets. But did you know that they are also weirdly obsessed with having some quality #blessed SPA time at home? Scroll down and enjoy!
No, we do not think the women’s volleyball teams should stop wearing bikinis. We do think though that it would be fair to broadcast all Olympic sports in the same style.
While we all eagerly await the zombie apocalypse and all the joys it will soon bring, these people on Etsy have started to make and sell zombie garden gnomes. These abominations will have your plants soil themselves and your ordinary garden gnomes running for cover.
It’s not easy to be a fashionable woman in this day and age when everything changes so fast. Just a regular boring knit top is no longer enough. Now you must cover it with nipples keep up with the times! This weird sweater is made and sold by Fashion Brand Company, a tongue-in-cheek company run by Penelope Gazin and costs $95. Visit her store here and get yours today, because it’s important to support small companies that make stupid stuff!
While looking at pictures on @UglyDesign Instagram account only one question comes to mind: “What the hell were they thinking?!” Scroll down for the best (worst) examples!
There are times when your body needs a jacuzzi after long day of hard laborious work, and then there are times when your balls need a good jacuzzi session after getting hit by a baseball, an accidental kick from a kid, or long bike ride. Testicuzzi is the perfect product for such situations. It’s a tiny (no offense) jacuzzi meant specifically for your a set of balls to placed in for a nice relaxing spa session.
What do you get someone that has it all? Boobies and butts, butts and boobies, of course! Now pickled for your gustatory pleasure! No, not really for your gustatory pleasure, for your viewing pleasure only. These jars of pickled butts and pickled boobies (and pickled people heads if you’re super weird) are not edible. And not made of real butts and boobies either. This Etsy seller weaves, puckers, cracks, and nipples them out of some kind of textile, and then smooshes them together in jars to create the perfect novelty gift for your favorite ass man or breast man. Or super weird decapitated head man…
Cozy up next to the fire pit with a warm, cuddly… cock and balls? This handmade Crochet Penis Blanket will make you snug as a bug – perfect for cool summer evenings and Netflix & chill nights on the couch. Which you’ll probably be doing alone, because the blanket is made mummy-style, with a shaft big enough for just one, and we’re not sure if anyone, dude or lady, no matter how well you know them, is going to be down for hangin’ with you all cocooned up inside a giant boner.
When you think of cross stitch, you probably think of Bible quotes hanging off the walls at your grandma’s house. There’s nothing wrong with that, but for those of you who want a little more from your embroidery, check out these hilariously brilliant examples created by Russian-American artist Katerina Lukashina.
The manufacturer calls these Abusive Birthday Balloons a “conversation starter.” Sure, they’ll start a conversation. A conversation about what a jerk whoever threw this birthday party is. There are no rainbows, butterflies, sunshine, or unicorns here. Just mean insults written on black balloons: perfect for someone who you hate.
We spent countless hours and compiled the greatest collection of trees that look like butts. We believe this is the greatest mankind’s achievement since the Moon landings. Scroll down and enjoy!
