How To Ruin Your Family Thanksgiving: A Thread

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Ah, Thanksgiving… Everyone’s favorite holiday that’s full of delicious food, football, and family. For many people, the family aspect can be the worst part of the day. Well, one Twitter user shared a rather fun way to make Thanksgiving even more entertaining. In a thread titled, “How to Ruin Your Family Thanksgiving,” she reveals a pretty sneaky and detailed plan for sabotaging Thanksgiving for your family. Sure, you could ruin Thanksgiving just by talking about politics, but why take the easy road? Scroll down to see a more sophisticated plan!

HOW TO RUIN YOUR FAMILY THANKSGIVING: a thread

The Thanksgiving holiday is a time of discomfort and strife for most families. Things are going to be bad either way, so instead of being a victim to someone else in your family causing the problems, come out on top by sowing discord yourself, in a way YOU have control over.

(((DISCLAIMER: NONE of the catastrophes that happen should be able to be traced back to you, all the discord you cause MUST be disguised in such a way that it looks like it’s someone else’s fault. For your own good, you MUST ALWAYS be the victim)))

The first thing to do is choose a scapegoat. This the family member that you’ll be provoking into acting out and having an emotional episode. Start a few days early. Subtly point out their weaknesses to break down self esteem & cause petty arguments to break down their patience

This can be anyone in the family. If there’s no one in particular that you want to mess with out of latent resentment, it’s easiest to pick the weakest, least successful or most emotionally volatile person Likely either a middle child or someone with a mean/domineering spouse

While you’re slowly provoking your victim, work on the rest of the family. You know them best so do what makes them irritated. Does dad get angry about the thermostat? Keep messing with it. Is mom a perfectionist about the food? Randomly turn the oven off at key times

Tell your family an annoying friend of yours had nowhere to go and bring them along. Get this person really drunk and compel them to insult different family members for you. You won’t be to blame and your family will probably be too sheepish to call out a stranger

Pretend to be helpful in the kitchen by making a salad, side dish or pie, but create a giant mess while you’re doing it. Use 5 dishes when you could have used one. Get into others way and use the exact ingredients and supplies they need while they need them.

Do you have children in the family? Perfect. Give them terrible ideas all day to get them riled up & roughhousing indoors. Tell them random lies so they argue, then pretend to arbitrate fairly while just making things worse. Plant water balloons nearby 30 mins before the big meal

By this time, your family is irritated. The kids are acting up, your drunk friend has upset everyone, the meal is not going as planned, house is messy & your dad is getting angry about his retirement savings going to the heater. It’s the perfect time to STRIKE the scapegoat

You’ve been bothering this person for days and their defenses are HIGH and their patience is DOWN. Get a bunch of people together in a room and casually mention something that the scapegoat will be sure to get sensitive about. Something personal, like weight, money or career

The scapegoat will get defensive at attract more attention to the issue. People will start piling on agreeing with you and the victim will be forced to freak out. They’ll scream and say a bunch of really offensive things.

Your aunt will start crying, everyone will look upon the scapegoat judgementally. They’ll look crazy and out of line for pointing out the truth. Now that they look like the bad guy and you look like a victim,everything has devolved into chaos. You’re free

Leave with your friend and take advantage of the Black Friday sales or go to a party.

13 thoughts on “How To Ruin Your Family Thanksgiving: A Thread”

  5. Don’t you think it’s a sh*t loads of work for something that’s gonna happen one way or the other?
    And there are weaknesses in your plan: when you make such a tightly organised schedule you leave no place for mistakes. What happens once the kids start pointing you as the reliable source for their bullsh*t? How do you react when the annoying friend begins nagging that he’s bored and you promised it will all be over in twenty minutes?
    Being evil is hard work, would be much easier developing elephant skin.

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  7. A better way to start a fight: mention to the ultra conservative member of the family what the ultra liberal member of the family just did. Or vice versa. Or just subtly bring up religious theories, new fashion trends or any other topic on which opinions are hotly contested. Batman vs. Superman? Nickleback? Taylor Swift? Miller Vs. Bud? Steelers vs. Broncos? Anything can be fight fodder.

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  10. For the people who take this joke and all those traditions to increase sales too seriously: Seriously???…Relax! The family that doesn’t discuss the really important things all year long, fighting on the day everyone gets together and drinks is a universal fact. More real communication and less imposture from Disney so that you dont need to feel offended with this criticism of forced filial love situations.

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  12. All those holiday gatherings are just a way to remind us that we are actually doomed and we should celebrate it with food, alcohol and consuming. You either accept it like a good sheep or resist it and make the other sheep angry and murder you for being the black sheep. The choice is yours.

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