Funny And Relatable Tweets About New Year’s Resolutions

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“Once upon a time, there was a person who made a New Year’s resolution to lose weight and hit the gym. However, as the days passed, this person found themselves constantly reaching for pizza and binge-watching Netflix.” Sounds familiar? You are not alone. Scroll down to see the funniest takes on “New year, new me!” approach!

here is my new year's resolution

Startup idea: a gym named Resolution that runs for the 1st month of the year, collects subscription fee, then converts to a bar named Regret

My New Year's resolution is to procrastinate. I'll start tomorrow.

Everybody keeps asking me what my New Year’s resolution is… Still 1920 x 1080… don’t really see a reason to change it just because it’s a new year

I kept Last Years’ Resolutions! - don’t get pregnant - always return my shopping cart They’re the same every year.

me: my new years resolution is to wake up earlier and be productive me new years day:

my new years resolution is to make my dream girl the happiest she can possibly be. i am the girl in question

this year my New Years resolution is to learn the difference between being bored and being hungry

“New year, new me,” is a fun thing to say while committing identity theft.

Realistic new year's resolutions: Get slightly older each day Eat more cheese Discard old socks Drink the same amount of tea Never run out of biscuits Say “getting there” a lot Muddle through

Me adjusting my resolutions to my efforts this year.

im not really a new years resolution person, im more of a "get really motivated to change my whole life at 3 AM on a tuesday" person

Every year you make a resolution to change yourself. This year make a resolution to be yourself..

my new years resolution is to figure out how to squeeze a 4th and 5th meal into my day

My new year’s resolution is to get really into essential oils and then make sure I bring up the fact that I’m really into essential oils in every conversation I have until the end of time.

My 2023 academic resolution is to read all papers I download

Aah unfortunately my New Year’s resolution is to be a huge bitch to everyone! I’m so sorry!

my new year's resolution is to pretend i have the willpower to magically fix all my problems

I am jealous of our 5 year old's New Year's resolutions.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, because you can start a healthy habit and give up three days later ANY time of year.

my new years resolution is gonna be to not sit in my car for an extra 5min on my phone right after i park anywhere

My pants are starting to fit a little tight so I think it’s time I got serious about my New Year’s resolution to buy bigger pants.

my new year’s resolution is to have healthier thought patterns bc as of right now someone can text me “ok” instead of “ok!” & i’ll be in my head assuming they hate me and are praying for my untimely demise

if you haven’t come up with a new years resolution by now, then unfortunately yours has automatically defaulted to “talk with a dracula voice.” sorry but rules are rules

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